1 Year Later

It's still so hard. So much has happened this year, yet it still feels like it was just a couple weeks ago that I got 10 missed called and 5 text messages telling me to call and I recieved the news. I thought it was a joke at first. I didn't believe it. I called him cell, his house, his wife, his parents. I couldn't go back to class and sit there to work on our group project. I was a mess! I drove out to the hospital where my family was cause Jake was having surgury. I couldn't even see the rode. I didn't shower for three days because I didn't want to be alone. Loneliness would cause a whole new cascade of tears to fall and I didn't want that. I was angry. How could he be so selfish! I'd just talked to him for hours the day before and texted him that morning with no response. Now I knew why. It was at the viewing that it really became reality, but I was able to forgive him and I felt more at peace. Every month on the 21st, I remember Brian Glenn Sanders. I still haven't been able to hold myself together at the cemetery to visit him so I've never been to his sight. I kind of feel guilty, but then again I don't. It's too hard still. But I am trying. His family, my family, and our friends help make this easier to bear, but it still takes time to heal. I miss you so much friend!