Emotionally Unstable

I've known it for quite awhile now, I'm emotionally unstable. When I get stressed out, I can't control my emotions at all. I cry for no reason, sometimes it makes me feel better. I get angry for no apparent reason. I get happy for no apparent reason. And it can all happen within minutes of each other. So I get crazy mood swings and I know I scare people away sometimes. I know the best/easiest way to control this is to remove some of the things in my life and simplify things. But I don't know what to eliminate. Since Christmas, I have worked a total of three days in a classroom (where my real income is). The last pay period I worked only one day so my check will only about $80. :( That stresses me out a little. So you'd think that will all that time I took off, I'd be fine right? Fully rested and relaxed? NOPE! Why? I've been wondering why myself.

Today in my Psychology class, we discussed stress and the effects it has on one's life. While attempting to more easily explain the concept of psychological illness or something like that (basically that we get sick because of what happens psychologically) the professor created a scenario that clearly defined my life. He said something to this extent: "Say someone is sick with something and goes to the doctor to find out what's wrong and how he could fix himself. The doctor asks things about his life and what he does, the patient's response is "Oh well I'm taking 16 units in school and I have like two jobs and I'm really involved in one or two other groups and I try to see my friends when I can but I'm so busy with school and work that it's hard sometimes." Doctor: "Wow, why are you working two jobs?" Patient: "Well, because I need to keep myself busy and if I'm not at school or doing something else I need something else to occupy my time. Plus I need to save money to pay off my student loans and try to move out of my parents house sometime in my lifetime."

I'll stop here. This is my life. Seriously. I'm taking exactly 16 units this quarter, I have two jobs, I'm involved in a demanding small group at my church as well as the coffee cart ministry (which I've been unable to help out with the last few weeks for different reasons) and I like to attend a Friday night Bible study as well (which rarely happens due to work). I feel like I need to spend time with my friends as often as I can because our schedules are so different that when we have time, we should use it. I also have already started paying off my student loans from Community Christian College as well as paying off credit card debt accrued from my laptop (used for school) and books and other school expenses. Not to mention other bills I have (which aren't high but are still there) and other expenses. And I want to move out! But I'm afraid it's never going to happen! So basically, his whole "imaginary" scenario was my life!

He then went on to say that the doctor will recommend stuff that would seem irrevelent to the illness the patient went in for (like eating healthier, working out or resting, making sure he gets 8 hours of sleep a night, drinking water, removing unnecessary things from life), but that the doctor recognizes the common signs of stress and that the illness was probably caused by stress and lack of rest or other stress-related things. I did this when I went in last spring and found out I had bronchitis. I was told to take 4-5 days off work and sit and do nothing. Huh? That didn't compute. Can't he just give me drugs to make me better? After the first day of taking antibiotics I'm not contagious anymore so I can work. Why was he telling me to do nothing for 4-5 days? He wrote me a note to take to my boss and everything. I didn't do it. I continued to work for the next 3 or 4 days and just got sicker. It was only then (and after being chastised by my friends) that I called my boss and told him I wouldn't be able to work for a while. He said OK and that he'd take me off the schedule. He didn't. Every day that I had been scheduled for, I got a call asking if I was coming in to work. After the third time I just told them I quit because it wasn't making me any better cause then I felt guilty that someone had to come in or stay to cover me. I felt like I should just go to work anyway. It was safer and better for my health to just quit. And then I got better! Wierd huh?

Anyway, basically, I need to remove some things from my life. But I don't want to! I need help! I also need to stop thinking things through too much to the point of overanalyzation. That stresses me out too and keeps me awake at night (like the other night). So to everyone I've hurt recently, I'm sorry I'm such a jerk. I'm really trying to control my emotions and get myself straightened out. Please help me cause I can't do it by myself! Even if I'm being a total jerk about something for no reason, it would really help me if you wouldn't yell at me. Instead, maybe tell me I'm not in control and I'm letting stress get the best of me. I think stress is Satan's greatest advantage over people in our society, especially over me.